And again, I play catch up here, but people are asking for pictures of the babe, and these people are far away and won’t meet him for awhile so…time to get off my butt and do some blogging.
I lost my mojo. ‘Round about the middle of October, when I was 8 months full of baby and full of tired and full of cranky. The pregnancy was good, fairly easy, but in mid-October my back started to hurt and I was feeling done. So done. So we played on the internet and I just generally started doing the least possible to get through the days. No blog posts there then, because other than posting pics of my messy house and writing “Did nothing again today” there was nothing to be said.
On October 20th, we lost a dear friend to cancer. We grieved with his wife as she said goodbye to her soulmate, and sat back hopelessly wishing we could do more to help, but knowing that in the end, grief is a lonely, soul-wrenching journey. We returned from that funeral remembering to be more aware that life is fragile, guarantees of time non-existent, and that each day with a partner is such a gift. We decided to give babe to be our friend’s name as his middle name (Martin) as a way of honouring Martin’s presence in our lives and family.
October continued on, and we celebrated halloween with the littles. Candy was received, candy was surreptitiously disposed of by the mama (not all of it, but much of it…and no, I didn’t eat it), and candy was eaten. All of the extra sugar certainly didn’t help the kids to get rid of the colds they had caught in Saskatoon and which then held on until the week before Christmas.
Round about mid-November, my due date came. As did my Sean’s mom. She was coming to help take care of the littles when we went to Hinton to have the babe. Everything was ready, bathrooms cleaned, casseroles frozen, banana bread made, house decluttered…. no baby. We waited. And waited. And scheduled an induction for two weeks over my due date. And waited some more.
And FINALLY, at the advice of a friend from university, I let go. Realized that there was probably a reason my body wasn’t having the baby yet, and that trusting your body in birth also means trusting that body to know when to have that babe. And I let go. And went into labour within 2 hours of the conversation. Having mild contractions as I put kids to sleep, sneaking out and telling Sean it was time to go, driving to the hospital at midnight, thinking baby would come quickly this being number four. I laboured through the night while Sean worked on his knitting and texted friends, then I laboured through the day as well. This body that had Mattea in 6 hours start to finish was taking it’s sweet time. 2 o’clock came and went with no baby. Then this home birthing, water birthing mama had an epidural by her own choice, and it was relief. And Xavier Martin was born at around 5pm on November 27th.
And I fell in love.
And gloried in his perfect, healthy baby fingers and toes. And his perfect, healthy heart. And his beautiful self.
And so it goes.
And here we are, Christmas has come and gone.
New Year’s has come and gone.
Half of January has come and gone.
And we return to learning together (not that we ever stopped).
And laughing together.
And living together.
All the while waiting to see what the future has in store.